Nahh, bro.

More about the internet

2009-12-07T05:07:51Z

The internet has completely fucked the social abilities of this generation; this is a point that almost can't be argued - just log on to myspace or youtube and click around for 10 minutes. Or think about all of the random people who talk to you so enthusiastically online, only to walk right past you with their eyes glued to their cellphones - as if they're fooling anyone into thinking they're doing more than just pressing random buttons with no purpose - when you cross paths in the "real world." I fear for today's youth and their ability to communicate with other human beings in face-to-face social settings.

BUT. That's not the point. I've heard many times that the internet is "killing" books. This couldn't be any further from the truth. In reality, It’s probably going to create a huge new market for them.

That isn’t a criticism of blogs, or any other internet content providers. It’s a distinction that outlines the complimentary differences between websites and books informing a final, most important point. We are in a new age where writing is the default method of communication. Email and Blackberries never fully replaced the spoken word, but that was before texting. Before social networks. We don’t call each other anymore, at all. We instant message, Tweet and comment on each other’s blogs or Facebook pages.

And as we do that, though some of us will further debase the lexicon with horrible all caps abbreviations and cringe-inducing expressions, many more of us will have no choice but to become better writers.

We’ll embrace the medium young, and as one who spoke publicly for a living would want to hear others in his trade speak, the texter will look to the blogger for hints on how to write with more expression. The blogger will look to producers of more detailed content, like this site, or mine, to determine how to create more comprehensive work. And people like me will hone our craft to write books. It’s just a question of how many take that natural path.

But rather than view the glass as half empty, assuming the Internet threatens books, why not look at how the mediums naturally compliment one another? Look at the fact that millions of new potential book buyers might just be falling in love with the written word?

slimjimmafia @ 2009-11-30T17:26:00

2009-11-30T22:26:47Z

Congratulations!

After careful review of your application, I have been able to verify that you have met all of the requirements for student teaching for the Spring 2010 semester.

The next step for you is to get Registered and fingerprinted with the NYC Dept of Ed. On their website: http://nycteacherssupportnetwork.com/student teacher. You also need a TB test on file. Please submit the results of this test to Ed. Office Mem. Rm.435.

Student Teaching Commissioning will be held on Wednesday Jan. 27, 2010 at 12:30pm in the Alumni Room of the library.

Secondary level students will receive a follow-up letter from Dr. Harten, regarding site assignments. Dr. Rizopoulos will send elementary students a confirmation letter & site assignments.

Once again, congratulations on this accomplished milestone in your career.

My....my career?!?! Fuck! Scary.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-11-24T13:23:00

2009-11-24T18:23:43Z

"All the time you spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."

Your ego is a liability

2009-11-10T06:48:32Z

Again...Your ego is a liability.
I think it was Brian Wilson who most famously suggested you should "hang on to your ego."
Seems about right, considering Wilson was certifiably insane for most of his adult life. You know what caused a lot of the mess that's leaving everyone jobless right now? Ego. Millions of people staring out the windows of their aluminum-sided mini-estates, obsessing over how they can top the set of matching Escalades the couple next door gave each other for Christmas. Ego fucked our economy and ego will fuck you.

And before you say, "Nonsense, ego drives us to be great," consider the word's meaning. Ambition, not ego, drives us to be great. Ambition's sharp - it gets you a stack of hundred dollar chips at the blackjack table. Ego gets drunk, hits on 16 and pisses it all away. Ego is malignant pride, ambition's mildly retarded cousin, and all pride is known for is coming before a fall.

When you get up every morning, look in the mirror and say this to yourself: "There will always be millions of people richer, smarter, more handsome and swinging much bigger dicks than me." Worst case scenario, you'll wind up more self-actualized than 95% of society. Best case scenario, you'll be saying it one morning and realize it isn't true anymore.
Well, at least not all of it. You'll still be hung like a toddler.

while I'm at it...beware of people selling afterlives. This goes hand in hand with ego, as no discussion of ego would be complete without touching on our greatest egomania - the perception we're all somehow "special," sacred, on a mission predestined by God...A God who's all knowing and omni-present, so involved and invested in us he's obsessed with who we fuck, whether we eat pork or if we're daydreaming about screwing the neighbor's wife.

And yet he's never seen or engaged by anyone - never stopped in at the corner deli for coffee or appeared in the bathroom to scold us for masturbating. And he can only be understood or engaged via "faith," a device through which rejection of the overwhelming lack of evidence of something somehow provides a stronger "intangible" proof of the thing. I don't know if God does or doesn't exist, but I do know a gimmick when I see it, and the "faith" sold by religion is a pure, Grade A gimmickry.

If I told you a band of magical trolls live in your basement, but that you'll never be able to see or engage them - never observe any evidence of their existence but an ancient book of contradictory, fantastic fables professing to describe the history of their rich civilization under your stairs - would you believe me? Build a shrine or home for them next to the washing machine? You'd thrown me out of your house is what you'd do.

But that's basically "faith" - collective, tribally-reinforced suspension of disbelief...And the oddest thing is, it is UTTERLY UNNECESSARY. Devout or nonbeliever, the golden rule's still the same: Don't be an asshole. If you need organized religion to remind you to treat people as you'd want to be treated, you don't need prayer; you need a fucking psychiatrist.

As pleasant as it may be, as comforting as the pitch sounds, I've gotta believe that anyone fixated on the "afterlife" is nuts. There's more than enough astonishing, amazing shit around us right here to keep a sensible, inquisitive mind busy.

Never buy into any movement 100%. No awareness campaign, revolution, organization or corporation. Take the best pieces of every ideology you see and cobble together your own. Trust your instincts, your logic, and what you discern from experience.

Vonnegut was right -
"We are here on Earth to fart around, and don't let anybody tell you different."

slimjimmafia @ 2009-11-10T01:26:00

2009-11-10T06:39:21Z

The simple reality is, there are seven billion people on the planet, and there's only enough meaningful work for about a hundred million of us. The rest of the population works at Nerf jobs, in Whiffle professions, providing McServices nobody will remember next week, let alone twenty, fifty or a hundred years from now. Legacy's the ultimate luxury. The best the remaining 99.999% of us can do is put on our best Academy Award performances and milk the Matrix for the maximum cash we can suck from it.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-09-27T19:12:00

2009-09-27T23:15:05Z

To all,

Shut the fuck up and smile. Your time here is short and every second is precious. Start acting like your life matters. If you know what you're worth, go out there and get what you're worth. Get out and experience different things and for fucks sake, get the hell out of your comfort zone.

That is all.

With love,

Todd Hundley.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-09-13T22:20:00

2009-09-14T02:21:28Z

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-08-26T07:38:00

2009-08-26T11:38:44Z

You don't have to "save" all your relationships. People pass into and out of our lives all the time. It's not a reflection of your worth or what kind of a person you are, or really anything at all. The fact that someone came in to your little circle is an accident of geography, time, personal dynamics, and chance. When they leave your circle, it's usually the same thing.

I sometimes wonder if Facebook and Myspace retards that process. With a click of the mouse you can find pictures and updates and details of every person you've ever fucked or every dude you hung out with for a few months. I think it's harder for the young'uns these days to decide that so-and-so is an asshole/not compatible/just not worth spending time on because they are so steeped in that world. With a few clicks, they are staring at full color pictures of people from their pasts, with all the accompanying feelings that dredges up. Someone else could be doing that to them, too. This allows and encourages superficial smoothing over of relationship endings, and superficial contact from time to time.

Learning to gracefully end relationships with people is a skill I wish I'd learned at a much younger age.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-08-06T22:51:00

2009-08-07T02:51:48Z

"Learn to be a decent man. Learn to be liked instead of feared. Learn to be respected because you've earned it. Learn to do something well. Learn to be interesting sober. Learn to look to yourself as a barometer of who you are and whether you're proud of that person. And most of all, try not to be a dick."

slimjimmafia @ 2009-08-03T14:33:00

2009-08-03T18:33:50Z

"I pack my trunk, embrace my friends, embark on the sea, and at last wake up in Naples, and there beside me is the Stern Fact, the Sad Self - unrelenting, identical - that I fled from."

slimjimmafia @ 2009-07-14T07:47:00

2009-07-14T11:52:40Z

Hey friends.

I'm having a pretty hard time right now and I thought I could deal on my own, but so far it's been tough. I need some help staying busy and keeping my mind busy. If you have any free time, say hi and talk to me, about anything. Get me out of the house, to do anything. Force me to go.

Please and thank you.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-07-03T12:25:00

2009-07-03T16:27:20Z

http://www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html

I agree with this article 100%.
Discuss?

slimjimmafia @ 2009-07-01T04:25:00

2009-07-01T08:29:09Z

Bored and I can't sleep so I figure I'll share something personal I've learned over the years; something that will perhaps be useful in the future.

How to dispose of a body.

You have to be smart from the very beginning.

Pulverize all teeth, burn off fingerprints, and disfigure the face. Forcing a DNA test to establish identity (if it ever comes to that) might introduce the legal/forensic hurdle that saves your ass down the line. An unidentifiable body can, in a pinch, be dressed in thrift store clothes and dropped in a bad part of town where the police are less likely to question it. I don't recommend that disposal method, I'm just saying an easily identifiable body is an even bigger threat than the opposite.

Assuming you have it inside a house where you can work on it a bit, the first thing you want to do is drain it of fluids. This will make it easier to cut up, and slow decomposition a little bit. The best way to do this quick and dirty is to perforate the body with a pointed knife, and then perform CPR on it. Cut the fronts of the thighs deep, diagonally, to slit the femoral arteries. Then pump the chest. The valves in the heart will still work when dead, and the springback of the ribcage can put apply a fair amount of suction to the artria. Do this in a tub. Plug the drain, and mingle lots of bleach with the bodily fluids before unplugging the drain to empty the tub. This should help control the stench of death, which would otherwise reek from your gutter gratings. Do everything you can to control odors. Plug in an ionizer, burn candles, leave bowls of baking soda everywhere. Ventilate the room in the middle of the night, but otherwise keep it closed. Keep the body under a plastic sheet while it's in the tub.

If you want to bury, I recommend separating the body into several parts, and burying them separately. For one thing, it's easier to dig a deep enough hole for a head than for an entire body. this reduces your chances of being discovered while you are actually outside and digging the grave. That is the one thing you can't do inside the doors of your house, and represents a vulnerable moment you want to keep brief, under 2 hours. Do it between 3 and 5 am. It's also less likely for someone to call the police if their dog digs up some chunk of meat, than if they dig up an entire body. They may assume it's an animal carcass disfigured by decomposition, and leave it alone or dispose of it. It's also more likely that the dog will consume all of it before anyone knows the difference. A whole skeleton is another story. You can cut a body into 6 pieces faster than you think. It's not much different than boning a chicken, but it takes more work, a big knife, and time. A hammer will be useful for pulverizing joints or driving the knife deep where it doesn't want to go. Anyway it's wise to crush as much of the skeleton as you can along the way. It will aid in making the body less identifiable for what it is as it decomposes.

Don't return to the same site 6 times for 6 burials.You'll attract suspicion from anyone nearby, and you'll wind up placing the body parts close enough together to be found by any serious investigation. Put them in plastic bags with lots of bleach, and store in a freezer until you have enough time to bury them all.

Depending on what tools you have available, you may find that you're get really good at deconstructing the body. You might prefer to slowly sprinkle it down a drain without leaving your house. This avoids the long-term risk of discovery associated with burial, and the overwhelming supply of bacteria in a sewer accelerates decomposition, while providing a convenient cover smell.

Truly grinding down a body takes a lot more work, and you run the risk of fouling your plumbing and calling in a plumber. So don't try it unless you know how to clear bones and meat out of a drainpipe. A good food processor can be useful. But don't over-use it, or power drills or saws. They're noisy and they attract attention. And forget the kitchen sink. It's better if you actually remove one of the toilets in your house from its base, which will give you direct access to one of the largest sewer pipes that enters your house. Follow any disposals with lots of bleach and then run the water for 5 or 10 minutes on top of that. And plug that pipe when you're not using it, to prevent any sewer gasses from backing up into your house. Usually, a U-trap inside the toilet does that for you.

I hope all of you are well.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-06-08T21:49:00

2009-06-09T01:50:49Z

http://arthurkade.com/

I spent over an hour reading his posts, watching his videos and looking through his pictures, and I can't look at it anymore without wanting to punch a kitten in the throat.

Personally I think it's beyond the point of even being amusing.

I'm a nerd, I guess

2009-06-03T23:41:12Z

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do-- determined to save the only life you could save

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-29T07:24:00

2009-05-29T11:25:46Z

Weezer and Blink 182 at Jones Beach...presale starts at 10 AM on June 3rd. Can someone buy tickets? I'll be working................

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-28T17:45:00

2009-05-28T21:52:30Z

Zakk Wylde, of all people, just inspired me.

"Tough times don’t last; tough people do.

"Once Mom sent me to Promises rehab. I said, ‘Promises rehab?’ I’ll make you a promise right now: either I’m going to cap myself or some mother is going to die in this joint.’ And one of the bylaws of Black Label is ‘suicide is not an option.’ I got in there and had no time for those weak-willed assholes. One guy said he just couldn’t get out of bed in the morning to get to the group therapy meetings. I said, ‘Hey, sometimes I don’t want to get up on that stage but you get your damn jock strap on, you man up, and you do it.’ I’ve got no time for weak willed bull****. I was cut from the same cloth as General Patton.

"Hey, lions are born lions. They are not made. Berserkers are born berserkers. They are not made. Marines are born Marines. They are not made. Get tough or get out.

I’ve got no time for bullshit. If you want something, you step up for it. And it’s practice, practice, practice, bro. That … and lots of porn."

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-18T11:41:00

2009-05-18T15:41:50Z

Is everybody/anybody free to play baseball on wednesday?

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-15T14:02:00

2009-05-15T18:04:42Z

If we had just another day, we'd have a ball instead of pissing it all away.
Three cheers for all the summer days!

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-09T16:19:00

2009-05-09T20:20:23Z

Body language at once simpler and more powerful than you would believe. There is a book called Kinesthetics: Subtle and Gross Movements of the Limbs, Bony Thorax, and Tunica Dartos by Professor L. Worley Peasemoulder-Guntfuttocks that is a good primer for this.

For example, on page 126 the good Professor describes a technique for getting discounts from a mid twenties, brunette barista at Starbucks:

"Take seven deep breaths, and relax the cremaster muscle. Place the left humerus in external rotation, angling the anterior surface of the palm slightly to face her forehead. Adduct the right deltoid, and place the anterior surface of the right hand gently on the appropriate mastoid process. Then, place the left lateral malleolus directly atop the right tibial tuberosity. The plantar surface of the left foot should be precisely parallel with the mid-Sagittal plane. Sway in a circular, counter-clockwise direction, with a rotational velocity no greater than 0.4 m/s and a radius no greater than 0.21 meters. No vocal communication is warranted.

Mastering this very subtle bit of body language will allow the customer to receive between a 10% and 30% discount on his coffee purchase, equating to an amount no greater than one drip coffee of the day for free every week."

It really is that simple.

The other techniques in the book are equally powerful, negating the need for a personality, hygiene, or interesting conversation. I didn't believe it, but since buying the Professor's book, I have become a fervent believer in proper use and carriage of my Dartos Tunic, and the proper maintenance of my cremaster muscle. My life has been changed for the better, and I think yours will be, too.

Seriously - I think all of you should purchase this book.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-05-08T15:23:00

2009-05-08T19:23:34Z

Hang on to the people who believe in you, because there won't be many of them.

not in exact order

2009-05-08T12:48:21Z

Hell Song
We're All to Blame
Welcome to Hell
In Too Deep
King of Contradiction
Over My Head Better Off Dead
Still Waiting
Motivation
Makes No Difference
Walking Disaster
MASTER OF PUPPETS!!!
No Brains
Mr. Amsterdam
Underclass Hero

*encore*

My Direction
Fat Lip
Pain for Pleasure

slimjimmafia @ 2009-04-30T14:30:00

2009-04-30T18:33:42Z

My friend Lauren was in Germany and posted this picture on her facebook..
Needless to say, I now know what true happiness is. Enlightenment, even.

That's all you need.

slimjimmafia @ 2009-04-26T23:44:00

2009-04-27T03:49:39Z

With summer coming up soon, as well as it being the last "summer" for most of us, since we'll be college seniors in a couple of weeks (Can you believe it?), I was going to write out some sort of inspiring entry, but I don't have it in me right now. So here's a speech I love. Take it as you will.

"When I look back upon [my early years] I cannot but return my sincere thanks to the high gods for the gift of their existence. All the day were good and each day better than the other. Ups and downs, risks and journeys, but always the sense of motion, and the illusion of hope. Come on now all you young men, all over the world. You are needed more than ever now to fill the gap of a generation shorn by the War. You have not an hour to lose. You must take your places in life's fighting line. Twenty to twenty-five! These are the years! Don't be content with things as they are. "The earth is yours and the fullness thereof". Enter upon your inheritance, accept your responsibilities. Raise the glorious flags again, advance them upon the new enemies, who constantly gather upon the front of the human army, and have only to be assaulted to be overthrown. Don't take No for an answer. Never submit to failure. Do not be fobbed off with mere personal success or acceptance. you will make all kinds of mistakes; but as long as you are generous and true, and also fierce, you cannot hurt the world or even seriously distress her. She was made to be wooed and won by youth. She has lived and thrived only by repeated subjugation."

- Winston Churchill

slimjimmafia @ 2009-04-22T00:22:00

2009-04-22T04:28:31Z

Someone give me plans for this weekend. Saturday? Preferable in Manhattan, or something? Thanks.

Also, May 2nd is Springfest at my school. The Spin Doctors are playing, so is DJ Clue and some standup comedians and shit. If anyone wants to come and get drunk and have some fun, you're more than welcome. Let me know.